The official alt.cuddle most Frequently Asked Questions
With answers to all those cuddly questions!

Last Updated on May 24, 2003
v3.0 - Mike Wallis
v4.0 - Robert P. Beyer
v4.1 - Ruth 'Rufus' Walker
v5.0 - Tuggy Boonstra-Curran
v5.1 - Joysinger

NOTE: Any editorial comments are in [ ]`s.

Table of contents
 1.  What _is_ alt.cuddle?
 2.  Ok then. Give me a hug, please.
 3.  Wait a minute! Isn't this just an excuse for sex?
 4.  I'm confused. What is the difference between cuddling and sex?
 5.  Aren't you all terribly insecure people?
 6.  What is an SO?
 7.  So I guess I need an SO for a real life (RL) hug?
 8.  What do I use as a substitute if I can't get RL hugs?
 9.  What sort of person subscribes to alt.cuddle?
 10. So this isn't a *.singles clone, then?
 11. So what if I want to know the alt.cuddlers better?
 12. What is the story behind alt.cuddle then?
 13. What happens when I request a cuddle?
 14. Is this group just for people who like cuddles?
 15. If I get talking to someone here and we decide to meet IRL, what do I do?
 16. How do I know when the line is going to be crossed?
 17. Apart from cuddling, what goes on on alt.cuddle?
 18. Have there been any topics which have been talked to death on alt.cuddle?
 19. I know you mentioned it before, but is sexual orientation a problem?
 20. How do you cope with flames on alt.cuddle?
 21. What if somebody sends me mail I don't want?
 22. What happens if I am a new subscriber?
 23. I guess you lot must have some amusing acronyms, then?
 24. What is the Alt.cuddle motto?
 25. The Official CuddleLand Birthday List & The Ratti Birfday Diary

All about alt.cuddle (CuddleLand)

1. What _is_ alt.cuddle?

The newsgroup alt.cuddle was set up in March 1994 to discuss cuddling,
hugging, huggling, and all forms of friendly affection, as well as
being there as a source of general good feelings.

There are many aspects to alt.cuddle (or CuddleLand), some of which
include the newbie hugging. We welcome all new users of the net, and
new users to the group. This is done by the traditional *NEWBIE*HUG*.
You're welcome to just jump into any and all of the postings on the group. 
Just join in and have fun! Nobody here will write a nasty note, or ask who
are you? Everyone is welcome, so dive in ... and cuddle!

Flaming is not permitted in this group: please don't do it, and please
ignore people who do. In the first few weeks of alt.cuddle`s creation
there was a huge amount of traffic, which steadily increased. Flames
are a waste bandwidth, so don't do it.

Since the group is here to discuss and to give VR (Virtual) Hugs and
Cuddles, posts which express disdain of this, or are not in keeping
with the spirit of the group are not desired, and will generally be ignored.

Jump in, and join in the fun! A lot of new friends are just waiting to
newbie pounce on you!

2. OK then. Give me a hug, please.

Sure thing! Right away!

*hug*cuddle*snuggle*tickle*hugga*snugga*smile*.

 Alt.cuddle does also act as a form of a support group for people who
need a cuddle, for whatever reason. Some people want one because
they're feeling low. Others want one because they're feeling good.
Others want one because they like a good cuddle however they feel.
On this group, all you have to do is ask.

Of course, an electronic cuddle isn't the same as the Real Thing. But
it's always nice when someone you've never met sends you a nice email!

Some of the approved ways of giving electronic affection are as follows:

*cuddle* *hug* *snuggle* *tickle* wave* *smile* *hugga* *nuzzle**huggle*

And of course, there is the inevitable smiley! :-) or : )

A lot of what CuddleLand is happens behind the scenes. On the group
everyone is cuddly, and there is an abundance of VR hugs and snuggles
everywhere. Sometimes things just affect our lives, and we need a
friend to talk to. Everyone on alt.cuddle is easily approachable, and
you can e-mail a new friend anytime. They'll always respond, with
support, and kind words to help. The friendship network which has
sprung forth from the people on alt.cuddle has become so large that a
Map of CuddleLand, which lists all of the CuddleLand inhabitants was
necessary!

So if you want a cuddle, post on the group, write to one of the
oldbies (regular posters), or just jump in and join in the fun! You'll
get all the *cuddles* and *hugs* you can handle!

3. Wait a minute! Isn't this all just an excuse for sex?

No. A good cuddle is a friendly gesture. It means that you care for
someone. Although cuddling can be part of sex, it can also be a purely
affectionate thing. It's always nice to curl up with someone you like,
whether or not it leads to sex.

Remember everyone in CuddleLand is your friend, and will always be
friendly. This is not a *.singles group, and is not a place "to pick up".
 If something does come of your conversations with someone here,
all the best wishes to you both!

4. I'm confused. What's the difference between cuddling and sex?

OK. The distinction is sometimes a bit fine. Cuddling includes things
you'd be comfortable doing with any close friend: in my case, that
includes hugging, kissing (peck on the cheek variety), curling up
together, snuggling up, sleeping in the same bed, holding hands, going
for walks in the country, sharing a private joke, whispering nice
things to each other in public, and so on. There are many things I'd
only want to do with people I'm sexually attracted to, and they fall
into the `sex' category.

You can find out all about them in alt.sex. For most people, cuddling
is just being together, with some touching, but all of the friendship
variety, and not of the sexual variety.

5. Aren't you all terribly insecure people?

Not necessarily *wink*. Actually, it tends to be more secure people
who cuddle a lot: insecure people are afraid of it. You have to be
secure about how you feel about yourself, before you would let someone
else come up to you and hug or cuddle with you. It's entering the
other person's "private space", and touching them. It could be scary!
But it's always such a wonderful feeling to get a warm caring hug.

It might be that people who weren't cuddled much as children are less
affectionate as adults: many people believe it works the other way
around. It doesn't really matter, as long as you are happy cuddling.
If it makes you feel better, then who cares if you are insecure or
very well balanced.

6. What is an SO?

This is a general term for a person who might be a girlfriend or a
boyfriend. It stands for Significant Other, a nice term which, in
these days, is nicely non-specific. It saves confusion when different
people with different sexualities meet on the net. I also like to
think that at alt.cuddle no-one cares whether you are gay or hetero,
and this is the philosophy of the group. As long as you have no
hangups about _cuddling_ then that is all that matters.

7. So I guess I need an SO for a real life hug?

Again, not necessarily. A lot of people hug and cuddle friends in a
totally non-sexual way. Cuddling is something _friends_ do together,
not just people who are attached. A lot of people on alt.cuddle call
friends like this who are _not_ SO`s cuddle-buddies, but some people
coin this term to mean SO as well ;-). As long as you have some
well-adjusted friends, who needs an SO?

8. What do I use as a substitute if I can't get RL hugs?

Many people use teddy bears. Some teddy bears are very huggable, and
if the teddy is nice and large, they are quite easy to fall asleep
around. Other people use "body-pillows" which are essentially 5-ft
long pillows which are very soft and cuddleable. Of course, if you
share private jokes with them in public (see #4), then you might be
getting a little _too_ attached to it, but this is not a problem if
you are a well balanced person.

9. What sort of person subscribes to alt.cuddle?

Anyone. Absolutely anyone. We have students, preachers, technicians,
lecturers, bacteriologists, industrial chemists, writers, artists,
programmers, people who work for the BBC, sporty persons, single
people, married people, (sadly) widowed people, people who are looking
for RL cuddles, and people who just want to make other people`s days.
We have tall people, small people, thin people, large people, happy
people, people who post 15 articles a day, and just generally nice
people!

We cuddle anyone, as long as they take _cuddles_ seriously.

10. So this isn`t a *.singles clone, then?

Nope. Some people say they would like a hug and other people may
reply. This is not a group for trying to find SO`s; this is really a
group for people who want to talk about cuddles, and maybe get some
support, affection, caring, or just positive vibes to make it though
their particularly trying day.

Question:  I want to find a special someone on the Net.  Why can't I
look in alt.cuddle?  I pay for my access; I can look wherever I want!

Answer:  Certainly there are no legal ways we can prevent you from
searching!  However, there are more appropriate newsgroups for this.

A lot of people post in alt.cuddle _only_ because this is the only
newsgroup where they feel safe doing so.  They tell us so.  Some of us
have experienced harassment in other newsgroups, to the point where
they no longer feel safe posting at all.  If they wanted to advertise
their availability, they would do so in other newsgroups.

A lot of people in alt.cuddle are already in established
relationships, and aren't looking for another one.  So you'd be better
off posting in a newsgroup where there's a high percentage of single,
available, people, who are also looking.  :-)

11. So what if I want to know the alt.cuddlers better?

Question:  I see that Lord/Lady X seems like a real cool person and
I'd like to get to know him/her better.  Is this okay?  Would I offend
this person by sending e-mail?  My intentions are friendly, although I
wouldn't mind if something more than friendly occurred.

Answer:  alt.cuddlers are generally not bothered by friendly e-mail.
They are in alt.cuddle, which is the friendliest newsgroup on the Net.

Friendly e-mail can often brighten a bad day or create new and lasting
friendships.

And alt.cuddlers appreciate it if a person makes an effort to get to
know her/him better before attempting a non-platonic relationship.
Many people have received romantic/sexual e-mail messages from people
who have not made the effort, and they have never appreciated it.

A few points to consider:
If the person in question has a spouse/Significant Other, you must
not expect anything more than friendship.  Don't think "I can change
his/her mind" - you can't.

If the person is not interested in taking the platonic relationship
another step - gracefully back off.  It may not mean that you are an
undesirable person - it could possibly be that she/he doesn't want a
relationship at this time, or he/she is not interested in a
long-distance relationship, or any number of possible reasons.

If the person is not interested in continuing a platonic relationship
- gracefully back off.  It doesn't necessarily mean that you have done
anything wrong - again, there could be any number of reasons.

Question:  I heard that Duchess/Duke Z gave a photograph of themself
to another person in alt.cuddle.  I e-mailed her/him and asked for a
copy of my own, but she/he won't give me one.  Why not?  If they gave
one to one person, why not give me one?

Answer:  Because Duke/Duchess Z does not want to give you one!  Their
relationship, platonic or not, is none of your business.  :-)
Most alt.cuddle ladies are leery of letting Net men know what they
look like, for a number of reasons, the primary reason being fear of
unwanted sexual advances.

12. What is the story behind alt.cuddle then?

The following was mailed to Tuggy by Scott Kilbourn, the person who you
all have to thank for the friendliest group on the net.

"One day, while I was playing with my computer on the net, I finally
discovered how to newgroup newsgroups. I could not think off-hand of a
group to create. Well, my wife, Dawn (perhaps you have seen her in the
group; she posts quite a lot of stuff) is an avid cuddler and I
decided that I would create a group called alt.cuddle so that when she
next got on the newsgroups, she would see it and be tickled by it.
When I issued this first control message, I had no idea that it would
take off like it has. I thought it would get the standard Tim Pierce
rmgroup and its propagation would go way down. Well, all this happened
during our spring break here at my college and during it, I got an
opportunity to use a computer that connects to the net at a local
college. You can imagine my surprise when I saw all the messages
posted. I decided then and there that it was time for me to
fight to save the group."

"I posted messages to alt.cuddle and alt.config calling for discussion
on alt.cuddle and whether it deserves its space on the net and a wide
propagation. I also maintained contact with Dave Delaney and Tim
Pierce to make sure that they were not planning on rmgrouping it
again. I got their assurances that they were not and the fight was
over. Alt.cuddle had earned its place on the net and is now free to
grow."

[Don`t you think Scott & Dawn deserve a round of applause?]

13. What happens when I request a cuddle?

When you request a cuddle there will be a huge amount of replies to
your original post saying "Ok, have a hug! *HUG*" or something
similar. A lot of people on alt.cuddle will send some email to you
saying the same, and if the reason behind your request for a cuddle
inspires someone, you might get some impromptu sympathy. A nice email
and/or a nice post is normally what most people get.

If it is your first posting though, then you will promptly be
*NEWBIE*CUDDLED*, which is our way of welcoming you into the
group, and loosening you up a little, so that you'll feel right at
home in one of the most friendly groups on the net.

14. Is this group just for people who like cuddles?

Not at all! A lot of people read alt.cuddle simply because it is one
of the happier newsgroups on the net. There is very little flaming,
and everyone is generally well disposed towards each other, and people
hang out here because no-one will bite their heads off. If you want to
be cheered up by nice ways, then alt.cuddle is the group for you. Of
course, if you _really_ don't like cuddles, then maybe this isn't the
group for you, but if you are non-committal, then just join in!

15. If I get talking to someone here and we decide to meet IRL, what do I do?

The first thing to do is not to expect too much. If you decide to meet
IRL then be sure that the other person knows your intentions.

Secondly, decide on a place to meet. Unfortunately there is a high
rate of aggressive incidents in today's society, and as such I would
advise meeting this person in a well frequented place, like a pub
(bar, if you are *.edu), or restaurant, or a railway station cafe, or
something along those lines. If it is a public place, then the person
you are meeting is less likely to do something detrimental.

Thirdly, be sure what time you are meeting, and have some means of
IDing the other person. Wear red carnations in your lapel, or have a
Winnie-The-Pooh badge on. Better still, you _could_ email .GIFs of
yourselves to each other. Many people have been disappointed when
they have gone to meet someone and not met them because they
were not identified.

Fourth, be nice to each other

Fifth, decide on what you are going to do. After that, it's totally up to you
what you do.

There is a final warning, however, and that is BE CAREFUL with who you
decide to meet. There is a fine line between giving someone a hug and
sexual harassment, and care must be taken not to cross it.

Oh, and there is a Sixth point: enjoy yourselves.

16. How do I know when the line is going to be crossed though?

That is a bit difficult to answer, and really depends on the person
you are meeting and the sort of person you are. Just don`t expect too
much, don`t push it, and be considerate. If the other person starts to
back off, respect that.

A lot of *net*crushes* can develop in CuddleLand, and you must be
careful about these. Loving someone and being _in_love_ with someone
are two very, _very_ different things. The word love is used freely in
CuddleLand to express genuine affection for someone ... being
_in_love_ is a different story. Remember, the other person may not
feel the same way about you, as you do about them. Just a word of
caution ... for everyone.

17. Apart from cuddling, what goes on in alt.cuddle?

What else do you need?

Seriously, however, there are many discussions on hugs and cuddles,
and their place in the law, in society, and as a whole. However, the
group has evolved more into a support group than anything else, and
most of the people who subscribe are quite happy to keep it like this.
Always on alt.cuddle there are some serious discussions that have been
going on for ages, simply because it is such an interesting topic.
There should be a thread going on somewhere to suit you.

18. Are there any subjects which have been talked to death?

Well, yes. There are two topics which were discussed at length, and
are probably going on in email conversations at this very moment.
These are:

•  (i) Do women prefer cuddling short or tall men?

•  (ii) Do women prefer beards?

•  (iii) What do men/women want? (type questions)

The answers are (i) Some people do, some people don't, and (ii) Some
people do, some people don't - but no-one likes designer stubble, coz
it scratches. And (iii), well this discussion is perpetually ongoing
in alt.romance, and it is much better left there.

19. I know you mentioned it before, but is sexual orientation a problem?

As far as we are concerned, nope. However, there was a thread soon
after alt cuddle became well known that was generated by a mistake
made by someone who had had a late night and used the word "feminine"
in the wrong context. In the ensuing thread (I won`t say flame,
because it was very civilized) it turned out that _most_ if not _all_
the people on alt.cuddle are very liberal-minded (not in the political
sense) and have no hangups about sexuality. The following comment
basically sums up alt.cuddle`s feelings on the subject.

"Okay. I like cuddling people, and I really don't care if they're male
or female. I think that this whole business of excluding someone from
a part of your life, be it cuddling or hugs or kisses or sex, because
of their gender is silly (no offense to anyone...I still think you're
pretty cool no matter _who_ you like to cuddle/have sex with *grin*)."
[Joe Bayes]

20. How do you cope with flames on alt.cuddle?

Generally speaking, we ignore the flamebait and trolls which they
post. A troll is a posting which is designed to elicit a response to
it. Generally all of these postings should be ignored, and left to
expire from the news feed. People who post articles of this nature are
out looking for trouble, and trying to create it.

This is a very childish and immature action, on their part and we have
no need to sink to their level of immaturity. If postings of this
nature continue or become much more frequent, matters will be dealt
with by the oldbies (the oldest members of the group).

If you do feel the need to write something to them, respond in private
e-mail to them. Otherwise, please leave matters to the experienced
posters. They've had to deal with these situations many times before,
and know what route to take.

If we don't follow these guidelines, we would all descend into
anarchy, and the whole point of the group would be lost. An incident
of this nature occurred once in the history of alt.cuddle, and for
this reason a Charter of Cuddling Rights was created which outlined
all of the rights which everyone coming into CuddleLand has.

21. What if somebody sends me mail I don't want?

It is an unfortunate fact that many women (and some men) who post
anywhere on the net are subjected to unsolicited e-mail.  This mail
can range from relatively innocent requests for a date to harassing
mail of an offensive or sexual nature.

If you receive innocent love letters, the best response is either to
ignore them, or to reply politely but firmly that you are not
interested.  You may wish to direct the sender to the alt.personals.*
newsgroups, where such requests are more likely to be received
favorably.

More serious, harassing e-mail is a much rarer occurrence, but
it does happen from time to time.  If you receive such e-mail, follow
these suggested steps:

1)  Ignore it.  Many harassers will just go away.  Do _not_ reply
    to the mail, as that will only encourage them.

2)  If the harassment continues, then send mail to their sysop.
    (something like postmaster@system.com or root@system.com). 
    Your letter should be short and polite.  At the end of your letter,
    you should include a copy of the harassing mail.  This will
    give the sysop an idea of the seriousness of the problem, and
    will also allow him/her to identify the source of the mail.
    In most situations, a note from their sysop is enough to stop
    a harasser.

3)  If you feel the need for advice, support, or help, do not hesitate
    to contact any KiTA, Princess, or other regular that you trust.
    It is best to keep such correspondence at the level of private
    e-mail.

A final note:  if somebody asks you for information about a specific
person, do _not_ give out RL phone numbers or addresses without that
person's consent.  Use your discretion when dealing with requests for
e-mail addresses.

22. What happens if I am a new subscriber?

If you post an article, the essence of which is "This is my first post
to here, and I`d like to say that ..." you will probably get *pounced*
*flounced* *cuddle*cuddle*caught in lurker trap* GREAT BIG TIGGER
CUDDLES THAT MAKE YOU NEVER WANT TO LET GO *spoddled*
*massaged* *tickled* *fuzzied* (((((((HUGGED))))))) and possibly
bounced as well, before you get any further.

This is a classic (Tal) Newbie (or Lurker) Cuddle! It's here to
welcome you to CuddleLand, and to make you feel at home, and become a
part of the friendly atmosphere. Many people will cuddle you, just
'cause you're new, and a friendly face in this wonderful land.
Everyone here is friendly, and if they newbie cuddled you, you're
definately welcome to write them back in E-Mail, or to post a
followup, or just start something new!

If you are a newbie to alt.cuddle, and you have never had a cuddle
attack, then ask for one... Cuddle attacks are a sight to behold...

23. I guess you lot must have some amusing acronyms, then?

Yes we do! Admittedly, we don`t have _very_ many, but the more obvious
ones are:

ROTFL: Rolls On The Floor Laughing
ROTFC: Rolls On The Floor Cuddling
ROTBC: Rolls On The Bed Cuddling
ROTSC: Rolls On The Sofa Cuddling
FOTBC: Falls Off The Bed Cuddling
FOTBBCALTM : Falls Off The Bed Because Cuddling And Laughing Too Much

And the more obscure:

XSO: Ex-Significant Other
FTF: Friendly Type Feelings
LJBF: Lets Just Be Friends
TLC: Tender Loving Care

We also have HGU's. A HGU is an acronym meaning "Hugs, Grabs yoU",
originally posted by Anthony. It started out as a joke, by someone who
said that he had never been hugged, and had, as his .sig "*HGU* <=- is
this how its done?" And recieved a lot of posts showing him how it was
_really_ done...

And sometimes you might ask ... what is a hug from a spod(qv)?

   Spod(n):
      1. Someone who posts three or more times per day on
      alt.cuddle, that is to say, someone we all want to hug very
      much.
      2. A perpetrator of good deeds via an electronic network, i.e.
      a person who should be held in custody for aforementioned
      acts, held warmly and tightly but gently, and very, very sweetly.
[Thank you Falla]

What Spods are:

• Defined basically as those people who are either: (a) very
  knowledgeable about computers, and/or (b) spend many hours per day
  working with computers. An early symptom/sign/indication that one has
  got Spod-disease is the fact that he or she makes three or more posts
  to Alt.Cuddles in a day. In the chronic cases, (where survival is
  pretty slim), Spods can post as many as 10 messages each and EVERY
  day. Spods can hug by giving out "Spoddles", which are cuddles given
  by a Spod.

• There is no known cure, and without preventative treatment (removing
  News Net access) the disease will become more and more severe. In
  addition, Spod-disease is EXTREMELY infectious, with just e-mail
  contact from another infected person needed to contract the disease.

• The ultimate conclusion for all those who contract this disease is
  that they become friendlier; hug, cuddle and spoddle more; have a
  tendency to twiddle their fingers when away from the keyboard; and
  need to be near a computer terminal at most times unless they have
  therapy (hug therapy that is).

This has been written and submitted by Stu, A happy Spod
[Thank you, Stu....]

24. What is the Alt.cuddle motto?

The Alt.Cuddle Motto

 All for hugs  ... and HUGS for all!      (original version)

or

 All for cuddles  ... and CUDDLES for all!      (modified version)

[Thank you, Stu, again]

*cuddles and hugs* to everyone!

25. The Official CuddleLand Birthday List & The Ratti Birfday Diary

The Birthday List started as a mailing list provided to all alt.cuddlers, so that they
could appropriately *cuddle*snuggle*hug*and*nuzzle* you on your Birthday!
The list was originally started by Bill Bacon, so that all of the Cuddleland inhabitants
 could send Birthday Greetings, best wishes, smiles, and "Egads! You're
getting old" sympathy cards. The list then passed to Meem (MaryAnn Collins),
 and then to Ken "Sigless" Clubok.

The Birthday list is now on a web site maintained by Vivan Forsstrom.
There have been many new items added to the original Birthday List,
such as favorite Birthday Cake flavour, just to make sure that you get
your absolute favorite!

Anyone wishing to add their birthday to the CuddleLand Birthday List web
site (http://www.sci.fi/~forsstro/birthdays.html) should contact Vivan
via the e-dress on the site with this information:

• Birthday (year optional)
• Name(s)
• e-mail address
• Preferred hug size
• Favorite kind of birthday cake
• Licorice Preference

Poopsie Pizza Tush, as Duchess Snigly's Social Secretary, also maintains the
monthly posting of the Ratti Berfdai Diary" to remind us monthly of Cuddlers'
birthdays. If anyone wishes to be added to "The Ratti Berfdai Diary" please
 write to: poopsie_pizzatush*Spam-Me-Not*@hotmail.com (removing the spam
trap) giving day and month and your Berfdai will be added.

Please note that the only information sent out will be the name of the
Celebrant and date of the Berfdai.  This information will only be sent
during the last week of the preceding month to the Berfdai date.

I hope this answers most of your cuddly questions about alt.cuddle, and CuddleLand in general. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to post a question.
We're all here for you!

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